I need you, I just wont tell you
by mynameinlights15
Summary: Natalie is thinking she may have been stupid. But she can't go back in time. She has to move forward. But how?
1. Mixed up thoughts

**AN: new story 3**

**To celebrate the fact that my parents are taking me to see Next to Normal when it comes to Seattle, I decided to post this story!**

I'd really appriciate it if you reviewed this story and tell me what you think of it/what you'd like to see most. Thank you all so much! 3

**(By the way, I accidentaly switched persons at the end of the story. Gah! I changed it to what it was supposed to be, but it may sound akward and you may find some mistakes. Pardon Moi.) **

**Enjoy! :D **

She'd really done it. She broke up with Henry. She really liked him, to be honest. She was hoping she would fall in love with him. He was the kind of guy she'd like to be with forever. But he was acting so overprotective of her. It really wasn't his job to do that! He wasn't her father, he was her fucking boyfriend. He was supposed to go along with whatever she did and enjoy it as much as she did. She just got sick of his nagging.

It was also a combination of the red bull and perscription meds she'd been downing lately. She couldn't really think straight anymore. It took her mind off of all the crap going on in her life at the moment. Her mom was mainly the cause. She was to blame for this, this.. She didn't know exactly what it was, but whatever it was, it wasn't fun. quite the opposite actually.

Henry was always the guy who'd save her Dom clubs, from getting raped by some drunk guy, or any damage she could do to herself. He cared about her, more than she'd ever been cared for before.

It scared her how much he loved her.

It was weird how she'd gone from feeling so useless at home to this Greek goddess. She wasn't sure how she felt about this. It was too much. Henry, her mom, her stupid dead brother, her dad who had no idea what to do, and her unclear mind.

He didn't call like she though he would. She thought he'd try to and convince her to get back together with her. Guess not. He'd always come across as the type of guy who would come crawling back if she ended things between them. He acted so in love with her. Or maybe that's just what she told herself.

School was pretty lonely. She sat in the same seat in every class, back row-window seat, and did her very best to maintain a 4.0 GPA. That was really easy without a nagging boyfriend. At lunch, she brought whatever food she found at home into the practice room and quickly ate. She'd then take all her anger, emotion, sadness, whatever out on the two colored keys. She'd do something that would make Henry proud- improvise.

Sometimes she'd be walking to her next class or her locker and she'd see him. He looked good. He had that air about him that he quit smoking. She was proud of him, but she'd never say.

One day, as she was opening the door to the practice room, she heard voices. She quickly stopped what she was doing and listened to the two kids in the room.

"Henry! What the hell are you playing?" Henry? It must be another Henry. He wasn't with some girl. Was he?

"Jessica, it's called improvising. It's magical once you get the hang of it. Ya know, my girlfriend-uhm, ex-girlfriend, had the same problem. She loved classical music. Just like you." Yep. That was definitley Henry talking about her to some other girl.

"Ex? I'm sorry Henry. If you need to talk, I'm here. Oh! Look at the time! I need to go! Call me, really." She quickly hid herself from view as the girl walked out of the practice room.

She was medium height, thin, and had red hair and freckles. From her voice, she sounds like a really down to earth kind of person. She better not try anything with my Henry. Even though he's not mine anymore.

She tried to hide her tears and walked to the cafeteria for the first time all year. She sits by herself and eats. As soon as the bell rings signaling lunch's end, she gets up and leaves. She passes Henry again, but this time he's talking to that Jessica girl. They look so happy, he doesn't even notice her cold eyes drilling into his.

She barely gets through the rest of the day. She feels like all she wants to do is cry. It's hard. But seeing Henry be happy somewhere else makes me realize something. She's in love with him and she needs him. She realizes she also needs to tell him this before it's too late, unless it's already too late. Oh gosh, Lets hope not.

She walks to his locker with purpose and with a confidence that appeared out of nowhere. Thank goodness he's there.

"Uhm.. Hi Henry." She can hardly can talk to him knowing that what they have, had, may be lost forever.

"Natalie! Hey." She can tell that he's trying not to sound excited. Good ol' Henry.

"I need to tell you something. And it's really important.."

"Okay, what is it Natalie?"

"I need you to know how stupid I was. I don't know what possessed me to end things between us, but whatever it was, was stupid. I miss you. So much. I can hardly look at you without breaking down. I can't hear your voice because I know that it will just remind me of everything that I no long have. I also need you to know that I love you. I'm in love with you Henry."

He stared at her In fact that's all he did.

"Kay, well I'm gonna go now.."

"Wait! Natalie.. I don't know what to say. You end things between us and now you tell me how you feel. Natalie, I can't keep guessing what's gonna happen between us anymore. Will she hare me today? Or what? That's not healthy Nat. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry."

"uhm. Yeah. Well I'll be seeing you.. Or not." I quickly turn around and run into Jessica. Just my luck.

"Oh I'm so sorry! Woah. Are you okay?"

"No i'm not fucking okay. I just told my ex-boyfriend that I'm in love with him and be tells me he can't keep guessing."

"Wow, that sucks. I'm sorry.."

"Natalie"

"I'm sorry Natalie. Well I better go, I've got a date!"

"With who?" please don't say Henry. Don't say Henry.

"Henry Davis! You know him?"

"Yeah. He's my ex-boyfriend." Ya know the one that she just confessed her love for? The one who blew her off? Yeah, that one..

"oh gosh.."

"Enjoy your date."

With that, She pushed past Jessica and ran home, her tears mixing with the newly fallen rain.


	2. Escape

Natalie's never been much of a runner. Saying she was exhausted was an understatement. As she saw her house, she cried out in relief. It was freezing outside, seeing as it was still Winter. As she put her coat in the hall closet, she could hear her mother lecture her about things that didn't matter to her (Like how she should have called home and asked for a ride, of how she could catch a cold, or worse, pnumonia ((it would be one reason not to go to school)), and lots more).

As rude as it was, she pushed past her mom and ran upstairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

She fell face first onto her bed and cried. She let go of her bottled up emotions from the past few months. The tears that didn't come while she was running home came now. Her mascara ran and her pillow was soaked, but she didn't care. It's not like she needed to impress anyone anymore.

She scolded herself for crying so much. She was a mess; emotionally and physically. Her head hurt so bad. Advil, she needed advil. She got up and walked outside but stopped at the top of the stairs when she heard yelling.

"It's not my fault our dead son has to appear everywhere!"

"No, but it's your fault he's still here! If you would have just gone through with the treatment, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"This mess? Dan! You don't understand what I have to go through! You, as my husband, are supposed to support me no matter what!"

"but Di. This needs to end."

"You know what? You're right! If you want this to end, it will! Dan, I think it's time for us.. To go our sep.. our seperate ways. I'm sorry Dan."

Then she was gone.

Why the hell would he just let her walk out like that? And after all they've gone through together? Sometimes I didn't understand my parents.

"DAD! Don't let her go!"

"Natalie. Sometimes, we can't change people's minds. We have to let them do what they want."

"But, what if she never comes back? What if she's gone for good?"

"Then we'll learn how to live without her. This isn't my choice, Natalie."

"Yeah, but she's just being stupid!"

"Don't call your mother stu-"

"But dad, she's acting so immature!"

If it was Henry in Diana's moms position, and her in her dad's- well, She would have gone after him and made sure he stayed forever.

Henry..

Why does everything in this word go to back to Henry?

She's tried so hard to forget about him and move on. But it wasn't that simple. Nothing was ever that simple. She loved him but let pride stand in her way. She decided that she couldn't take her boyfriend acting like her father all the time. She needed to be independent. Just like she's always been.

It's really hard to go to school, to see him walking the halls as if he's not hurting. Maybe he's not. She just thought that he really loved her. But he was strong and knew what to do when rejection reered its ugly head.

Sometimes, she would see Jessica and Henry together, and it just about killed her. If she was walking in the halls, she'd turned the other way and find a different route to whatever class she was heading to. At lunch, they (Henry and Jessica. She could never face him after what went down between them) occasionally sat together. She would walk into the cafeteria and see them laughing together. Before she started crying, she'd run to the nearest restroom and shut herself in a stall and wallow until the warning bell for 4th period rang.

She told herself she needed to stay strong if she was to get through this.

But something inside herself told her she couldn't do it. She needed to get out. Drugs wouldn't do any good. She'd been down that road before and she couldn't let herself walk it again.

She needed to leave. Leave town, and soon..

Natalie decided to get out of this living hell she had to go through on Friday. Being the smart girl that she is, she decided that skipping school would look bad (not that weeks on end would look any better). Her plans would have to wait until after school. The weekend was the perfect opportunity for her escape.

Waking up early Friday morning, she wrote a note labeled for her father to read. Laying it on her bed, she quickly got ready for school and left, not looking back. If no one ever realized she was gone, she'd never see this house, and hopefully this town, again.

She didn't want Henry to worry about her. So a note was written for him too. She'd put it in his locker on her way out. That way he wouldn't try and convince her to stay.

She got through the day, slipped the note in Henry's locker, and set off. Where was she going to go? That was a mystery, but she got in her car that she'd left at school yesterday and drove. Ready for freedom from this stupid life she was forced to live.


	3. Rescue me

_**AN: Third chapter!  
I'm planning on putting the next chapter up tonight, and the last chapter either tonight or tomorrow morning! I know, it's super short, but I like it (:  
Please review and tell me what you think! :D **_

As he walked out of his last class, Henry caught sight of Natalie slipping a piece of paper into his locker. He was about the call out to her when he was stopped by an hard grabbing his arm."Hey Henry. I was wondering if you'd like to try for a second date sometime this weekend?" It was Jessica.

She was a great girl. But the problem with her was she was so boring. All the conversations that night had been about her. She told him how glad SHE was to be on this date. Jessica kept asking if SHE looked alright. Henry had to bite his tongue from telling her that her attitude was keeping her from looking anything but annoying. He lied and told her she looked amazing. SHE blushed.

"Oh hey Jessica. I'm sorry but I can't. You see.. Uh. I've got this conference.. for jazz piano players that I said I'd attend. Tickets were 50 bucks and there's no refund. Sorry!" She looked a bit hurt, but he shrugged it off. She probably would be no better than last time.

After passing by Jessica, he practically ran to his locker, eager to see what Natalie left behind for him. An apology? Asking if he'd get back together with her? "Wishful thinking Davis.." He thought to himself.

As the door to Henry's locker opened, a piece of paper that appeared to be a ripped off section of notebook paper fell out.

(Hey Henry.

Why am I writing to you you ask? And why didn't I give you this letter (If you can even call it that) in person? Well, I didn't want you to ask any questions. I wouldn't have any to give.

I was so stupid to end our relationship. It was the best thing in my life. Out of everything that was messed up in my life, we were the thing I could count on to be normal. But no one and nothing is really normal, eh? (There's me trying to be British again. Remember when we would act British together? Well maybe not. We were both high and naive.)

Well I love you Henry. We didn't date for that long (unless you call 6 months long, which I don't), but I know I did-do. I still do. But it kills me to see you be all happy when I'm dying on the inside. I told you I loved you, and you let me go. I'm surprised you didn't hear my heart breaking. It was loud and clear to me, but I guess since it was my heart, I could hear it well.

ANYWAY.. The point of this note is to tell you that I need to get away. No Henry, it's not what you think. I'm not going to kill myself. I'm going to restart my life, per say. I'm getting out of this town, and try things differently from now on. I'm not sure where I'm going, or if I'll ever come back. But promise me that if I do, we'll fall in love again. Please promise me that Henry. Okay? It means a lot to me.

I love you.

Natalie

P.s. Please don't try to find me.)

She's gone? He couldn't even fathom the idea that he, the person who loved her and treasured her more than anything, led her out of town.

"Sure Nat. I promise you that we'll fall in love WHEN (not if) you come back. But I wont promise not to come after to you." He thought, hoping his actions could be as bold as his thoughts.

Henry had tried calling her three times.

Natalie refused to answer.

He left a voicemail twice.

_Hi this is Natalie. I'm not able to get to my phone right now, so leave a message._

_**Hi Nat. Why? That's all I want to know. That's a question I know you can answer, so please answer it. I love you too and I need to come back. Look. I think we need to talk. Please meet me outside of town at our spot. You know what I'm talking about.**_

_Hi this is Natalie. I'm not able to get to my phone right now, so leave a message._

_**I'm so stressed out I forgot to tell you when to meet me. Silly me, eh? See? Now we're both trying to be British. You're not alone. You never will be. Just meet me in about an hour. I'll bring coffee.**_

Natalie wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to meet Henry, but wasn't he was she was leaving in the first place? By going back, wouldn't that make her trip completely pointless?

But still. He never said she had to stay. Just to meet him and talk. If she got Henry back, well, she'd mark herself off as weak and go home.

It's not like her to be so dependent like this, but she loved him. Weren't you supposed to cave in the presence of the one you loved?

In this case, yes. And if he didn't say what she wanted, no needed, to hear, then she'd continue on her way, this time with Henry's blessing. Maybe, just maybe, things could go back to normal. Whatever the hell that was.


	4. Reconcilliation and love

_**A**_**N: Bah, I suck. I haven't updated even though I said I would! Ah oh well. The last 2 chapters kinda suck, but I still like them. And it's cute.  
Who doesn't like cut HenNat? Everyone does. :D**

_**Please Review, ya'll! :]**_

Natalie sat on the edge of a hill. It was a Friday afternoon, but the usually busy park was vacant.

She was happy to be meeting Henry. She needed to make things right again. To be honest, she wasn't sure why he had called her. He said that she's too screwed up to date her. No, he didn't use those exact words, but it was close enough.

Since she was already about 10 minutes from the park where she and Henry loved to visit, she sat and thought about what this park meant to her.

~Most Fridays, Henry would meet Natalie at her locker after 6th period, the last class of the day. He'd help her get her stuff organized and then they walked to his old, beat up car.

The first time this happened, she would keep asking him: "Henry, where the hell are you taking me?" After the 5th time of asking, with no response, she decided to drop it.

As the car came to a stop, he quickly shut off the engine and got out of the car. She did they same. In front of her sat a gorgous park full of couples walking the length, children playing on the swings, and runners walking their dogs. It was quite picturesce.

He took her hand a led her to an empty hillside that looked over the whole park.

Coming here became a Friday afternoon tradition. Sometimes Henry would try to be romantic and bring a picnic. It was hard because they were sitting on a slanted hill. Everything fell. Just like Henry to plan soemthing that everyone else knew would fail..

She was snapped out of her memory by the sound of someone sitting down next to her.

"Hi Nat. I'm really glad you came. I wasn't sure if you got my messages or not, but i see now that you did. Thanks for coming." She could that he was nervous. He always rambled when he was nervous.

"Did you doubt that I would come?"

"Uhm.. A little bit. I drove you out of town for goodness sake. I thought you hated my guts."

"I could never hate you Henry." She said in a shy, timid voice.

"Really? Because I wasn't really a boyfriend. I was a make-shift father. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. You're a strong girl-woman, and you don't need someone else to look after you."

"But I want someone to. All my life I've had to deal with things on my own. Starting school, making friends, my period-"

"Woah Nat. TMI.."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"But really. I'm sick of being alone. You knew what was best for me and you cared about me. I was afraid because nothing like this had ever happened to me before. It scared me. I didn't want you to dissapear like every other good thing in my life. I need you to be real."

He grabbed her hands and looked her straight in the eye.

"I am real Nat. I'm here for you. Always."

"But.. Remember the other day when I told you I loved you and you turned me down? What happened to that?"

"I realized how stupid it was of me to say something like that."

"So what does this mean? Am I your girlfriend again?"

He shrugged with a smile and said "Something like that."

She knew this is where she belonged. With Henry. Bliss, perfection, normal.

Too bad normal didn't last very long..


	5. The Final Problem

_**AN: Bah bah bummm. **_

_**Final Chapterrr! I really wanted to add so much more to this and continue on with the Jessica plotline, but I had no idea what to do. Gahh. SO here's where I ended it. I hope you enjoy it! :D  
Reviewww3**_

This wouldn't work for her. Natalie and Henry. Together again. Simply, she must not let it happen. With her in charge, nothing like that could even begin to happen.

Jessica walked into school on Monday with the perfect plans. She would look gourgous on Monday (what guy could resist a beautiful red head?), act insanely amazing (down to earth, caring, the model girlfriend), and at the end of the day kiss him lightly and walk away. He'd be hers by Tuesday. It took all weekend to decide what to wear, how to act, but it would be worth it in the end. If everything went according to plan. But it didn't.

When did it ever?

She caught sight of Natalie at her locker, alone. "Good. They haven't made up. Better make my move before they do." She snarkly thought to herself. She decided to walk past Natalie and show her what kind of a girl really deserves Henry. And that's what he showed up.

Henry walked over to her locker, and tapped her shoulder. Natalie turned around and smiled brightly. "This can't be good.." Then they kissed. Looks like they made up. Great, it's too late.

Giving up wasn't something she liked to do, bi what else could she do? They were perfect for each other. Curse them.

Natalie couldn't be happier. She and Henry had made up and things couldn't be going greater. They've hung out every day since that Friday afternoon and were having a wonderful time together. She finally felt like maybe things could be good for once.

But one things thats still fucked up was that her Dad now started to see Gabe. But thankfully he was persistent and made an appointment with the Dr. every week. He was slowly getting better. It was hard to avoid when she was home, so she tried not being home often. She'd go on walks and think about her life, what she wanted after high school, and Henry. Mostly Henry.

He's the one person that has an effect on her. Whenever people used to taunt and tease her, it never fased her. She got so used to it, that she was able to walk proudly through the halls, acting as if no one was pointing and laughing at her. It was great.

She remembers that Monday morning back at school. Henry met her at her locker, just like he promised he would. As they gratiually leaned in to kiss, she noticed someone glaring at her from the corner of her eye.

Jessica. If looks could kill, she'd be dead.

Henry wasn't sure if something was wrong with Natalie or not. She hadn't really been opening up to him. They would normally spend time together every day after school, but she always said she was busy. It wasn't like her.

These days, their relationship was awesome. They were best friends. He thought they had the kind of relationship that other people wished for. To him, it was heaven.

He must have done something wrong, something to upset her. But what? The thing with Natalie was he couldn't always tell what was on her mind. It was an obstacle he was hoping to get past, but it was kind of hard. She only recently started being a bit less closed in with him. It was new, and he liked it.

He's always wanted the kind of relationship where you know the other person so well you could read their mind, or finish their sentences when words wouldn't come. With Natalie, he coudn't exactly do that. She kept herself to, well, herself.

Friday afternoon, after school, he practically ran to her locker to ask her a few questions. He hoped she hadn't left yet. She hadn't.

"Natalie!" She turned her head as he called her name.

"Let's go to our spot. It's a Friday afterall."

"Sure Henry. Lets go."

The drive there was silent, but it wasn't akward. It was comfortable, and gave the pair time to think and plan every word that would be spoken as soon as they were sitting on the lush, cool grass. Once they reached their destination, Henry was the first to speak.

"Did I do something to upset you?"

"Why would you say that Henry?" Well, you're acting like you hate me.. Not a good sign.

"You've just been avoiding me, that's all. We used to hang out every day, and now you never want to see me after school. Are you embarrased to be dating me? 'Cause if that's it, then just leave me. But if it's not, then tell me what it is. It's driving me crazy Nat."

"Henry. I'm not embarrased to be seen with you. In fact, I think every girl has reason to be jealous of me. But Henry, I need to tell you something. I got a letter in the mail a few days ago. It was a letter from Yale. Even though I screwed up at my recital, they've invited me to come and audtion next weekend. I've already talked to my dad about it and he's crazy about the idea. In the letter, they said that if I did well, I could get a full ride and early admission. Henry, I know lately we've been talking about going to college together in New York, but think about it. This is such an amazing opportunity. I can't not go. I've heard so much about long distance relationships, and they never work out. Maybe there's a reason I got this letter. I'm stopping you from everything you could do with your life. I'm such a messed up person who can't give you what a guy like you needs. You need a stable girl. Someone like.. say Jessica! She's completely 100 percent un-messed up. And no, she didn't put me up to this. I've been thinking about this for so long, and I can't think of anything else. If I don't get in, then we can together. But let's just.. put our relationship on hold for now. I love you and I'm such a sucky girl. I'm not breaking up with you, I couldn't do that again, but we need to hold off for a few weeks."

"Natalie, you know I love you more than anything in the world right?"

"Right."

"Then I need you to know I understand why you're doing what you're doing. But let me tell you I want to be there right next to you the whole way. You're dad called me yesterday and asked me to start thinking of colleges near Yale. I've already sent in 3 applications. I'm not letting you out of my sight again."

"Henry, I love you." And together they lay until sunset.

**Si, it's the end.  
I hope you enjoyed the storyyy3 **


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